#43 - Step by step

Date Sent: Mon, May 4, 2009 at 10:49 PM

When I was admitted to Presby last week I was shoved in an empty room (somewhere on the 7th floor). I didn't recognize anyone, and felt nervous because the nurses weren't even pronouncing my medicine correctly. Almost 11 hours after being admitted I was woken up and told that they were moving me down to a room on 3rd. I prayed that it was the same unit I was on last year, but couldn't remember which specific one it was. As I sat in the wheelchair and was pushed to my new room, a song popped into my just-woken-up-and-still-very-groggy mind. At first it was just the first line, but as I sang that one line over and over in my head the rest of the lyrics eventually came to mind also.

Step by step, we're moving forward
Little by little, taking ground
Every prayer a powerful weapon
Strongholds come tumbling down
and down and down and down

We want to see Jesus lifted high
A banner that flies across the land
That all men might see the truth and know
He is the way to heaven

I decided to claim that song as the prayer of my heart for the entire hospital stay. For those of you who faithfully followed my updates on Facebook and responded with your encouraging words, you'll probably recognize the first line as the beginning of one of my status updates. Before I was admitted I decided (for many reasons, spoken and unspoken) that I would claim healing while I was in the hospital. Either way I would still praise God for how far He's brought me - even the possibility of not having to change ice packs every couple hours was worthy of a huge praise! I was so confident that God would heal me while I was there, that honestly, when I was discharged and still on a continual iv medicine I was a bit bummed. But I praised God for what I DID see happen - the switch to Remodulin went fairly smoothly, I got a chance to reconnect with some previous caretakers, and our daily lives were now much easier from a medicine perspective. I was discouraged that I was more out-of-breath on this new medicine, and my oxygen saturation was now dropping when I walked, when I didn't think happened that before the change. But the doctor told me to increase the strength once or twice a week, and that I'd soon be just fine.

I mentioned in my previous email that my specialist had an extra spring in his step each day when he saw me - this is something that we've never noticed before. He always looks incredibly tired and like the weight of the world is on his shoulders. And rightfully so - he's responsible for the care of incredibly sick patients - we met him when I was in the ICU and no longer able to breathe without a machine doing it for me. Someone's life or death hangs in the balance for him every day - I'd look tired and stressed too! Before I was discharged last week, he told us that he was "very, very pleased" with how I was doing. I took that comment with a grain of salt. I was a bit disappointed that God didn't decide to "miraculously" heal me while I was there - I was certain that He would. But I was discharged still having pulmonary hypertension, and still having a tube coming out of my chest.

Tonight I attended a meeting, and ran into the doctor who originally diagnosed me 14 months ago - the one who (rightfully so) doubted that Harrison and I would both live. I asked him a couple questions about my new medicine, and during the course of conversation he clarified some things for me that I thought but wasn't certain of. I AM CURRENTLY ON LESS THAN HALF THE AMOUNT OF MEDICINE I WAS ON A WEEK AGO!!! This means that I am on less medicine than I was on when I was originally discharged in March of 2008! I am doing a few tiny increases over the course of the next couple weeks, but even after that is done, I will STILL BE ON (MAYBE) HALF the amount of medicine I was on last week! I am more out-of-breath than I was a week ago, but not THAT much more. Based on how I feel tonight, I think I'll probably only have to increase two more times to get me back to where I was a week ago - that will put me at HALF THE AMOUNT OF MEDICINE! No wonder the doctor was "very, very pleased"!!!!!

God DID heal me while I was in the hospital - STEP BY STEP! I haven't experienced a "full and complete" healing yet - but this past week He brought me gigantic leap closer! You may wonder how I know that this healing took place while I was in the hospital. Let me explain. With how "sick" I am, if I suddenly stop this medicine, I'll die. With how potent the medicine is, if I have a sudden healing, and am still on it, I'll die. Based on how "good" I felt last week, the only time the majority of that "new" healing could have happened was when the medicine was switched! So.....

I went into the hospital expecting God to heal me. I left disappointed. Shame on me. GOD DID HEAL ME WHILE I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL! Only a miracle could explain how I am doing so incredibly well on so little medicine! THANK YOU to all of you who faithfully (and frantically) prayed for me while I was in the hospital last week! You helped pray a miracle into happening!

~ Julia