#16 - Changes

Date Sent: Sun, May 18, 2008 at 6:53 PM

As I sit down to type this email I am NOT connected to the oxygen machine! Praise the Lord! For the past two or three weeks I have needed to wear oxygen pretty much all the time again. But the past several days that's beginning to be less necessary. Right now it seems to be dependent on the weather. When it rains, or the barometric pressure changes (I'm sure if it's when it goes up, or down, I just know it's when there's a change) then I need it again. I was at a family reunion this whole weekend. At one point this morning it was raining (so I had on the oxygen), but suddenly I felt horrible for a few minutes. Not too long after that the steady rain changed to a downpour. I guess I'm a really good weatherman - my body can tell when things like that are going to happen. It's just kinda scary, because an upcoming change in the weather isn't the first thing that comes to mind when I suddenly feel so badly. I guess I should be used to this by now, but I'm not. But I AM so happy that I can take the oxygen off now and then, again! It's so nice NOT being tied down to a cumbersome tank all the time. Whenever I go too far from the tank, or Alex trips over the cord, or it gets caught under a piece of furniture and yanks on my ears I try to thank God that oxygen concentrators exist rather than grumble about the sudden pain.

I went to see the cardiologist this past week. He's the one who is monitoring my lung medications also. I had written several emails where I expressed the belief that my medication needs to be increased. ......He agrees. I don't need oxygen on clear days, but when the humidity goes up I have such a hard time functioning. Since we're moving into the warmer summer months, I'm going to need some help getting through the hot humid days. They wanted to increase it this past Friday, but I was going to that family reunion all weekend, so I said that I will wait till Monday. The sudden increase is going to be almost the MOST that protocol says may happen at one time because the side effects are so intense. I'm pretty much going to be bed-bound for several days because of the intensity of the side effects. I'm not looking forward to that, but I am VERY excited that once they lessen a bit I should have more stamina. So, please join us in praying for me as I cope with this next week.

There are several ways to track how I'm doing medically. This doctor has chosen to take the least invasive routes so far - my judgment of how I feel and the results of blood work. He took some on Wednesday when I was there to check the levels of a "hormone" the heart produces (I forget the name). Apparently the level of this hormone in the bloodstream can give an indication of how much stress the heart is under. As soon as the doctor got the results he called and left me a voicemail saying that those levels are in the NORMAL RANGE!!! He was (to quote the message), "TOTALLY SURPRISED AND EXTREMELY ENCOURAGED!" This means that the pressures in my lungs are coming down enough that my heart isn't having to work as hard as it was before! IT'S BEGINNING TO HEAL!!! I had told Aaron and my mother (and I think you) that I can't feel my heart as much as I used to (though I am still aware of its presence beating weirdly in my chest). I was convinced that God has begun to heal it. Now a medical test has proven what I've been saying!!! When I first met with this cardiologist I asked him if it's "medically possible" for an enlarged heart to shrink. After choosing his words carefully he stated that it's "possible," but he really doubted mine would because it was sooo big that there will be too much scar tissue. Well, God is remaining faithful and is shrinking it! Of course I'd love for this healing process to happen overnight, but it took several years for me to get this sick, so maybe it will take several years for it to return to normal. Who knows. But at least I was reassured that it IS HAPPENING!

You know, I've noticed a change in how I think about things. When I first came home from the hospital I kept wondering "how long am I going to have pulmonary hypertension?" After several weeks my thoughts changed to "what else needs to happen before I'm completely healed? What lessons do I need to learn? Who else needs to be encouraged by my story? Who else can I help that also has this condition?" I've heard so many really cool stories about how me having pulmonary hypertension is changing more lives than just our own. This helped change my thoughts to "how else can God be glorified through this?" ... But recently there was yet another shift in my thought process. Now the theme that runs through it is "who can I encourage? What does God want me to do? How can I glorify God more?" It's like the pulmonary hypertension part has left my thoughts to a large degree. I definitely am still aware that I have this condition (all I have to do is look down and see the iv "purse" hanging around my neck) - I can't forget about it! ... ... ... But my thoughts have begun to shift away from it more and more as I learn to focus more on God and less on myself. I've learned that this is what life is supposed to be about. It's supposed to be about helping others, encouraging them, loving them, showing them the awesomeness of God, and helping them to experience Him too! I've learned how to have the God thing running in the back of my mind while I deal with whatever's going on from minute to minute. It's like listening to music in the car while you're driving. You can really do both things at the same time - live your life and dwell on God! It's really cool! I highly recommend this type of living! It's my prayer that this will continue even after God finishes this healing process.

Tomorrow (Monday) will be three months since I was diagnosed with pulmonary hypertension. From what the doctors said I could/should still be in the hospital right now!!! As I think back about what's happened during these past three months I truly see God's hand - His hand of protection, teaching and blessing! There's so much life that I've lived recently that I wouldn't have experienced the same way if I were still in the hospital. I could have still learned many of these lessons, but God was kind enough to let me learn them at home - reunited with my family. For this I am truly grateful. We'll be lighting a candle tomorrow to celebrate (in our minds anyway, since I'm not allowed to be near an open flame while on oxygen) - to celebrate each breath that God's allowed me to take, for how He's helped me grow, and for the "definitely not boring" life He has in store for us!

Well, I guess that's all for now. I just wanted to send a quick email to let you know what's going on here on Melbourne Lane. Please continue to keep us in your prayers. We're definitely keeping you in ours.

~ Julia