Welcome to A Million Miracles.

In February of 2008 I was diagnosed with an incurable, progressive and terminal condition called Idiopathic Primary Pulmonary Hypertension (PH). In retrospect, we can trace this illness back to at least January of 2004, but you can have it for several years before you notice any symptoms. My diagnosis came after I was hospitalized for what ended up being almost three weeks - spent consecutively in three different hospitals - two of them being in ICU units. Over the past year we have been sending email updates to family and friends concerning my medical/physical journey as well as lessons I'm learning as a result.

These are those emails. There's no rhyme or reason as to when I send out another email update. It just happens when "the Spirit moves." But whenever I write and send one, I will also post it on this blog.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

#8 - God sees the big picture

Date Sent: Sat, Mar 15, 2008 at 3:20 PM

This is going to be a long email. I'd apologize, but it's long because I have so much to share about how God's been looking after me. So instead of me making this shorter, I give you permission NOT to read it all in one sitting. **smile**

The last email I sent asked prayer about my cold since my body won't react the same way to something that simple. Well, Thursday night I was taken to the Hershey Med. Center ER because of it, and they admitted me right away. I had a lot of symptoms that I was experiencing, but for the sake of this email, the two main ones were that I couldn't maintain my oxygen levels and could FEEL my heart. I don't mean that it was racing or skipping beats - I could feel the actual heart. It's really weird to feel an internal organ!!! It was really discouraging to me to have such a huge set-back (being admitted to the hospital AGAIN and for something as basic as a cold!). But we prayed about it, and just had to grin and bear it. There wasn't anyway for us to change what was happening.

The room I was in was just opposite the nurses' station, so I heard all of their discussions all night long (I didn't sleep even two hours). So many people out there have such sad, sad stories! Listening to the nurses talk I was reminded that despite all the problems we're going through now, we are blessed in many ways. I spent the night praying for all of the people I heard discussed.

Then Friday morning came, and with it came the parade of doctors to visit me. I have now met most of the cardiologists at Hershey (and they seem like a good bunch of people). While talking with them my prayers shifted back to myself - not for a healing, but for some encouragement. And boy did God answer my prayers!

At home I've been on 2 liters of oxygen constantly. When I was admitted it kept being increased, so by the time the first doctor showed up in the morning I was at 5 liters. Within a few hours some of the doctors came back and asked if I thought I could tolerate less oxygen. I took a deep breath, swallowed hard and said let's try. Within 5 minutes I had ABSOLUTELY NO OXYGEN ON and was maintaining my saturation levels!!! A few minutes later I walked through the halls with one of the doctors to monitor my levels with me not receiving any oxygen. After that I was told that I can take my oxygen off at home when I'm sitting on the couch or standing there cooking dinner (not that I'm actually cooking yet), but need it for anything else. I was both INCREDIBLY ENCOURAGED and a little discouraged too. It had been one month to the day (Feb. 14th to March 14th) that I could not maintain my oxygen levels AT ALL without having additional oxygen. But selfish me told God that wasn't enough. When our three year old Alex throws a temper tantrum (which isn't frequently), then he definitely doesn't get what it is he's asking for. But our generous God wasn't so strict with me. The oxygen wasn't put back on me at the hospital (because I stayed in bed), and by that afternoon I was even better. Now I only need it when I'm doing "activity" like climbing the stairs or when I'm sleeping because you breathe more shallowly when you sleep! PRAISE GOD! PRAISE GOD!! PRAISE GOD!!!

The doctors in Pittsburgh transfered my care to a Dr. Silber at Hershey, but it kept not working out for us to meet him. Apparently when I was originally hospitalized before they sent me to Pittsburgh he was consulted about my care, but we didn't meet him then either. I was supposed to see him Friday for an appointment because of the cold, but that was canceled because of me being in the hospital during the time of the appointment. But about 45 minutes after that appointment was supposed to take place he walked in my hospital room and spent over an hour talking with Aaron and me. The original appointment had been designated for only 15-20 minutes, and instead we spent over an hour! Now for the praises and prayer request associated with the discussion with him:

When I was discharged from the hospital in Pittsburgh I had lost at least 40 pounds (at least 20 of that was from fluid retention the last week or so before I was hospitalized and while in the hospital). This made me about 20 pounds lighter than my before-pregnancy weight. I had gained back almost 10 of that this past week or so because of fluid retention. Dr. Silber wrote me a prescription to get rid of that fluid and to keep it from coming back. I just took my first pill this morning, and I'm excited to loose all this swelling.

Next comes the prayer request about the visit. One of the reasons for me to go to the hospital this time was that I could FEEL my heart. Dr. Silber showed me the CTscan from a month ago and I got to SEE why that was true. In a healthy person the left side of the heart is slightly bigger than the right side. This is because the left side pumps the blood to the whole body, but the right side only pumps it to the lungs to pick up oxygen. In MY heart, the right side (rather than being SMALLER) is about FOUR TIMES LARGER than the left side. It's actually PRESSING up against my breastbone. That's why I could feel it. The fact that my heart is that big shows that my pulmonary hypertension has been there and slowly getting worse for a LONG time. My heart kept getting a little bigger (and the walls getting a little thicker) over and over as the pressures in my lungs kept rising more and more. The doctors are impressed my heart didn't just quit (thank you ONCE AGAIN God). Seeing my heart that big is scary, but we're trusting God to heal that too. PLEASE pray with us!

Since I was no longer experiencing ANY of the problems that took me to the ER, and I was sitting there in the bed WITHOUT any oxygen, Dr. Silber said I could go home! I got home about 4:30 Friday afternoon.

So, because of a discouraging ER visit, the following happened in less than 24 hours:
- Because I was admitted we don't have to pay the $100 ER co-pay
- Because he saw me in the hospital we didn't have to pay the $20 office visit co-pay for the "cold" appointment
- Because he saw me in the hospital I don't have to see him at my original apt that was scheduled for next week, or pay the $20 co-pay
- It was an "in-network" hospital, so our insurance will pay the entire bill - God saved us $140 in co-pays!!!
- I got to meet a lot of the cardiologists, so if I'm hospitalized again they will be familiar faces
- I was almost completely taken off oxygen. I walk around the house with a FACE rather than it being hidden by the plastic tubing
- I was given a prescription to stop the swelling
- I was shown why it is I feel my heart. Even though it's a scary reason, I'm an information person, and I feel better KNOWING why than wondering why - and this means that when they do the next CTscan in two months or so I'll get to praise God because of how much He's healed it - at least we're trusting He will start to by then
- I was able to spend almost an entire night praying for those around me. Only God knows what changes those prayers made in those peoples' lives!

GOD SEES THE BIG PICTURE!!! He took a discouraging event (going BACK to the hospital), and did IMMEASURABLY MORE than I had the faith to imagine! This whole being sick has increased our faith exponentially!!! I sure hope it's able to increase yours too!

All of this happened in less than 24 hours. I'm EXCITED to see what this next week brings! Please keep praying!

~ Julia

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